Do you ever feel….

I want my home to be peaceful – less nagging and shouting

I want my children to feel happy 

I want my children to do well at school

 

Here are 3 daily actions you can take to develop this

  1. Focus on the need behind the behaviour

Decide to pause before reacting straight away. We are often focused on getting the result in the moment. Listen to your need the first time, not giving in until you react. Start to practice getting into the habit of pausing and assessing and having “before” conversations”. When we focus on our need and their need, we approach the situation differently to when we focus on the result. Have small conversations before situations and focus on needs. For example, morning routines. The evening before, have a conversation with your children about why you need to be ready to leave on time (mom needs to go to work, we need to be on time for school) What do they need in the morning? Can you set up a time to meet their need (they want screen time) You could decide when they are completely ready, they can have screen time, or they have a specific time for screen time in the afternoon or evening.  When they feel heard they will cooperate better. It is also very important for them to hear your needs. These conversations happen forever, it is part of life, we don’t just do them until they start do things and then we can stop.

 

  1. Develop the habit of validation

Validate yourself and your children every day. Teach them to validate themselves every day. Every day remind yourself what makes you a good parent/person. Feel it. What did you do today that makes you a good parent/person? Ask your child what they did today that makes them feel good? Whenever there is conflict, always validate feelings first before going into problem solving. I can see you are upset and I need you to….. I know you want this and….When we validate ourselves we develop a frame of reference within of being happy with ourselves, it doesn’t have to be in relation to anyone else. When we validate others in conflict they feel heard and often cooperate better

 

  1. Encourage each family member to speak their truth even if it is uncomfortable

Give all family members permission to raise things they don’t like. Teach them to speak from the “I”, I would like…, I don’t feel comfortable… etc rather than you…. (blaming/making wrong) You must or you should… Have an agreement not to take things personally and to listen to the other person’s point of view and then problem solve. If you have a family member that takes things personally, teach them to acknowledge their feelings. Teach your children that each person is responsible for their own feelings. “It is okay that I feel this way, what can I do?” This takes practice and keep practicing until you get it right. Don’t give yourself any other option. 

A happy home is when all family members are able to speak their truth about the uncomfortable stuff and resolve it through listening, it is not only about having fun, peaceful times together

In closing

Use these tips and others I provide in my blogs.  I am here to support you through your entire parent journey

What You Should Do Next:

  1. Follow me on Instagram where I share loads of quick tips and ideas to implement with your children AND YOURSELF
  2. If you have enjoyed this blog please share with a friend who you think would benefit from these tips
  3. Look out for my series of new FREE Webinars and an online course giving strategies for yourself as a parent. Handling your own feelings – guilt, worry, the need to protect, frustration…and more

 

About the Author

Gail is a Family Relationship Coach specialising in Parent-Child Relationships. She is passionate about empowering and inspiring parents to develop children’s self-awareness. She believes that this can be achieved by balancing parent’s needs with children’s development and happiness. Understanding how to synchronise our thoughts and emotions and what drives them ensures our happiness, and our children reaching their full potential. Gail is a Qualified NLP Practitioner, NLP Life Coach and Emotional Freedom Techniques Practitioner with over 10 years’ experience and success at applying these techniques to children’s learning and behaviour. Her success with her own son is proof of the possibility of true potential

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