7 ways you could be reducing your child’s confidence without realizing it

Does the way you love your child reduce their confidence?

We all want our children to be happy the whole time. We may dispute that logically but when our children are upset, we most often just want them to feel better because we love them.  

The way we express our deep love for them can reduce their confidence!

Very often our needs can get in the way of building our children’s confidence

Examples can be

  1. We love them and don’t want them to be upset so we do things for them
    • Pack their bags
    • Make their lunch
    • Help them dress when they can do it themselves
    • Carry their bags
    • We avoid encouraging them to do difficult things because they find it difficult
    • Get involved or solve their problems for them


  1. We don’t want them to be uncomfortable – unfortunately uncomfortable is absolutely necessary to build their confidence. Their confidence is built on feeling uncomfortable, pushing through and realizing they can get through it. They have to experience discomfort! When they are in discomfort true love is being present with them without judging them and facilitating them to find a solution by asking questions and letting them try different options
  2. We are organized, efficient and do things well and want things to run smoothly
    • Over help with homework/take responsibility for it
    • Give them solutions/tell them what to do rather than letting them figure it out on their own
  3. We worry about what other people think – what if our children don’t dress themselves properly? What if they don’t get something right in front of people? What if they are too shy to greet? In any of these situations do you take over?
  4. We need to protect them – we are scared that something will happen to them. Depending on the age of your children and each situation in context, think about ways that you are protecting them instead of teaching them. There are situations they need protection, but it is important to carry out the education around that situation consistently
  5. We enjoy “helping” them. Sometimes helping them makes us feel good, that we are valuable. This can also be disempowering if your child starts to believe they cant or that they need you to always help them
  6. We want to get an immediate result – this is our biggest need. How can you shift your perspective from getting a result to developing your children. It takes reframing for yourself every situation. It is okay, they are learning, have I asked the questions and given them the learning – that is enough

Do you do any of these? All these examples in some ways can stop our children from their learning.  

Our goal is to empower our children to build their perspective and develop them from the inside. That is why we ask questions and allow them plenty of opportunities to figure things out on their own. We are there to facilitate their learning, even if it takes a while. 


In closing

Use these tips and others I provide in my blogs.  I am here to support you through your entire parent journey 

What You Should Do Next:

  1. Follow me on Instagram where I share loads of quick tips and ideas to implement with your children AND YOURSELF 
  2. If you have enjoyed this blog please share with a friend who you think would benefit from these tips 
  3. Look out for my new Build your Child’s Confidence to handle any challenges in life Online Parent Program.

You will learn:

* Understand their real fears and how to influence them from that place

* The exact s to change the way you approach them so that they feel comfortable to try

* How to manage your frustrations and needs so that they don’t impact your child’s confidence



About the Author

Gail is a Family Relationship Coach specialising in Parent-Child Relationships. She is passionate about empowering and inspiring parents to develop children’s self-awareness. She believes that this can be achieved by balancing parent’s needs with children’s development and happiness. Understanding how to synchronise our thoughts and emotions and what drives them ensures our happiness, and our children reaching their full potential. Gail is a Qualified NLP Practitioner, NLP Life Coach and Emotional Freedom Techniques Practitioner with over 10 years’ experience and success at applying these techniques to children’s learning and behaviour. Her success with her own son is proof of the possibility of true potential

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