Questions are the answer

Questions develop your children’s minds

When we ask our children questions, we initiate an internal response from them. This creates the behaviour pattern of problem solving and creativity.

Qualities to develop in our Children (Blog series 2)

Part 1: Developing Commitment

How do we develop the quality of commitment in our children? How do we teach them to take risks, persevere and then manage the adversity when things don’t always turn out the way they want them to?

Here are 3 quick steps
1. Separate who they are from what they are doing

Very often children will stop persevering because of what “not getting it right first time” means about them. Does it mean they are not good enough? Does it mean they can’t? Teach them to separate what they are doing from who they are. Say to them: You are an awesome child and you are trying this activity. Ask them questions

  • What does it mean to you if you don’t get it right?
  • How does it feel?
  • Is the feeling about you or about the activity that didn’t work out?

Get them to associate the feeling to the action and not themselves.  When the negative feeling is not about them they will be more resourceful to think of other options

2. Failure is feedback -teach them to assess, think of other options and try again

Teach your children that failure is just a signal that they need to try a different strategy and that is ALL. Ask them questions.

  • What worked?
  • What didn’t work?
  • Why do you think it didn’t work?
  • What else could you do next time?
3. Encourage them to try things that are out of their comfort zone

Commitment is easy when we are good at something, but not so easy when we are getting it wrong. It is uncomfortable!  Teach them that this discomfort is the key to success. Discomfort is a dance between our fears and our dreams. Ask them questions.

  • What is uncomfortable about trying this?
  • What would make it more comfortable?
  • What could you do to make it feel easier?
  • What could happen?
  • What could you do if that did happen?

Very often they feel discomfort or resistance because they are not prepared. Asking these questions helps prepare for possible outcomes which then makes our children feel safer to try.

Encourage your children to go out of their comfort zones EVERY day. It builds their muscle of commitment. Listen and be there for them to talk about it – that is what will encourage them to continue.

I look forward to your feedback! What worked? Where did you get stuck?

Next week we will continue with this theme and talk about – Developing Courage

Click to see Part 2

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