Qualities to develop in our Children

If you missed it, here’s

Part 1: Developing commitment

Part 2: Developing courage

Part 3: Developing Curiosity

Part 4: Developing Consideration for others

Having consideration is about having a kind and thoughtful regard for others and oneself.

There are three parts to understand when developing consideration

1. Consideration for others

Teaching our children to be considerate of others is about developing their curiosity about other people’s experiences and perspectives and teaching them to have empathy for others. The best time to develop this is in each small conversation when they are talking about some interaction that they have had with their friends. The first step is to acknowledge their perspective and then there are many questions we can ask:

  • What do you think about that?
  • How did you feel?
  • What did your friend say?
  • Why do you think they said that?
  • What do you think they were feeling?
  • What could you have asked them?
  • What do you think they needed?

It is important to get them used to asking others for their perspectives and opinions.

2. Consideration for oneself

Sometimes consideration for others can be misinterpreted as consideration for others before oneself. This creates a pattern of pleasing others and can result in unhappiness and low self-esteem. It is important for children to understand that being considerate of other people is about understanding them and not giving up what they want for them. Questions to ask:

  • What do I need?
  • What does their perspective mean to me?
  • How can I listen and understand and not necessarily solve the situation?
  • How can I show them that I care?

3. Understanding when to apply each of these.

How do they know when to consider others and when to consider themselves? It is about teaching them to balance their needs and the needs of others. The best way is to teach them to use their gut feeling about it. If they develop their inner barometer in making decisions this will serve them very well in many situations.

  • What do you need?
  • What do they need?
  • How can you both get what you need?
  • How important is this to them?
  • How important is this to you?
  • How will you feel to give in this moment?
  • Which will feel better, giving them what they need or is your need in this moment stronger?

They also need to understand who is responsible for what. It is not their responsibility to please others or to make their friend happy, it is their responsibility to listen and care. It is their friend’s responsibility to find the solution to their own situation

Allow your children to practise through trial and error. Be there for them without judgement and have lots of conversations about their choices so that they learn for themselves.

Remember questions are the answer, they develop your children’s minds

Please post your feedback! What worked? Where did you get stuck? Are there any other topics you would like to read about?

Next week we will talk about developing the quality of self-love

Click to see Part 5

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