My child struggles a bit to make friends (Blog Series 1)

Part 1. Teaching your child what kind of friends to look for – click here to read it

Part 2. Developing the courage to initiate friendship – the first conversation – click here to read it

Part 3. Does your child resist talking to you about their experiences? What does this mean?

When our children resist talking about the conversations that they have tried with their friends, it is usually because they feel bad about themselves. In other words, they have a poor perception of themselves in relation to their outcome. Here is where we start to help them

1. Ask questions to open their perspective of their result
  1. How did it feel trying out the conversation?
  2. What was uncomfortable?
  3. Why was that uncomfortable? What did it mean for you?
  4. Why do you think they responded that way?
  5. What do you think they were feeling at the time? Encourage them to see if they can get a perspective of how the other child was feeling, or what was going on in their life which has nothing to do with your child. I.e. their response had nothing to do with your child.
2. Acknowledge their feelings and acknowledge their bravery for attempting it

– I can see how difficult that was for you and you tried it anyway. That was really awesome and brave don’t you think?

3. Don’t judge their performance or their feelings

Just allow them to talk openly and feel what they feel. Listen with curiosity. Don’t give them solutions or try to make them feel better.

4. Only once you get a sense that they feel heard, continue with questions. Allow them to come up with a solution
  1. What would you like to do now?
  2. How could you approach them next time?
  3. What would stop you?
  4. What do you need for you to try again?
5. Encourage them to keep trying.

Teach them that this is a learning process and brings awesome rewards. Having experiences that don’t work out initially are not failures. They are only failures if they stop trying before they have mastered the skill.


This blog is part 3 of the series, if you have found value and would like to read more, please see below for details:

Want to give your children the best start possible?

How many adults do you know of that struggle to easily make conversation with adults they don’t know?  How does this impact their success in business and friendships?

One of the most important skills we need in order to be successful is building good relationships and it all starts on the playground.Teach your children how to develop good relationships by asking them lots of questions.

Questions develop your children’s minds…ever wonder what questions to ask? Are we always quick to give our children solutions? Just notice how many times you do.

A new series called “Questions to ask your child” will be released every Tuesday on my blog. Have fun and try them, I would love to hear your feedback!


My child struggles a bit to make friends (Blog Series 1)

Blog 1. Teaching your child what kind of friends to look for
Blog 2. Developing the courage to initiate friendship – the first conversation
Click to see other blogs
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