Divorce: 3 tips to support your children living in 2 homes

Ever feel…..

Out of control or helpless when your kids go to your ex?

Guilty about what your children go through because of your divorce?

Even though divorce can be challenging for you and your kids, there are many ways you can support them so that they are not scarred from the situation

Here are 3 tips you can us to support your children living in 2 homes

  1. Maintain your own emotional state 

When we are in a divorce situation, there are usually more emotional triggers that can affect how we feel. During this time, it is so important to take care of ourselves. To have scheduled time to do things that make you happy, to have scheduled time to connect with people that uplift you, to have scheduled time for yourself to work through your hurt. Even if it feels impossible, it is important to MAKE the time. Your are important and when you can remain in a good emotional that is when you are able to be more present with our children. It could be:

  • 10 minutes in the morning of quiet time
  • A cup of coffee or glass of wine with a good friend
  • Find someone to talk to about your hurt

When we talk through our hurts, we heal and that is when we feel happier. It is not just about time

  1. Have conversations to prepare them emotionally each time they go and when they come back 

Having consistent conversations with your children about going to their dad or mom can prepare them to make the day of them going a little easier. It might cause initial stress, but you can be there for them and reassure them then which is easier than trying to do it at the time they are going. Ask them questions. What do they enjoy about going? What don’t they like? What could they do? It is not about trying to make them happy to go, it is about being real with how they feel and helping them to problem solve so that they can find a way to be happy regardless of what happens there. When they come back, give them opportunity to tell you how it went without you judging what happened or what your ex did. Just give them the space to talk. Teach them to assess and think about what they can do next time. Sometimes this involves helping them with the words to ask for something there. Acknowledge how they feel always. Keeping communication open is the best way to support them. They know that they are free to talk about anything and find a way to come up with answers for themselves. Even when they are young, they might not be able to solve everything, but it will leave them feeling empowered.

  1. Avoid speaking badly of your ex 

Even though it can be frustrating making arrangements with your ex, avoid discussing that with your children. Even when they speak about what happens there, avoid judging the situation with them. Reassure yourself that you will make a time to vent the frustration at another time. It’s okay I am going to talk about it…. Find someone you can talk with about it. It is not about pretending that it doesn’t upset you, you can acknowledge that you are frustrated or angry, but don’t go into the detail with your kids. Yes I am frustrated/angry and its okay. Think about what you want for them and their relationship with your ex. Do you want them to have a good relationship with their mom/dad? How can you focus your conversations around how they can feel happy there.

 

There are so many aspects and situations with divorce. I will be writing more blogs about this going forward If you need support or have any questions please contact me for a coaching session. I would love to support you

In closing

Use these tips and others I provide in my blogs.  I am here to support you through your entire parent journey

What You Should Do Next:

  1. Follow me on Instagram where I share loads of quick tips and ideas to implement with your children AND YOURSELF
  2. If you have enjoyed this blog please share with a friend who you think would benefit from these tips
  3. Look out for my series of new FREE Webinars starting end of March 2022 and an online course giving strategies for yourself as a parent. Handling your own feelings – guilt, worry, the need to protect, frustration…and more

 

About the Author

Gail is a Family Relationship Coach specialising in Parent-Child Relationships. She is passionate about empowering and inspiring parents to develop children’s self-awareness. She believes that this can be achieved by balancing parent’s needs with children’s development and happiness. Understanding how to synchronise our thoughts and emotions and what drives them ensures our happiness, and our children reaching their full potential. Gail is a Qualified NLP Practitioner, NLP Life Coach and Emotional Freedom Techniques Practitioner with over 10 years’ experience and success at applying these techniques to children’s learning and behaviour. Her success with her own son is proof of the possibility of true potential

Read more 

Spread the love