Do you ask for what you want on Mother’s Day?
When asking the question “Do you ask for what you want on Mother’s Day?” I often get resistance. Answers like: they should know by now what I want, it’s not the same if I have to ask, I am always asking for what I want and it feels like nagging, they won’t give it to me anyway so I may as well not try, my children are too young, I don’t know what I need anymore.
What if asking for what you want is exactly what you need…. even if it feels uncomfortable?
There are so many reasons why asking for what we want is so important and I am going to explore them here for you. Sometimes in society we are taught not to ask for what we want, it can be termed selfish, but maybe not. Maybe it is selfish to not give others the opportunity to give, thereby robbing them of the awesome feeling we know we get when we give.
How can we make asking for what we want work for us?
- Why ask? The importance of honouring yourself
Asking for what we want is the way we honour and validate ourselves. Validation is one of our greatest needs and it is our responsibility to give that to ourselves before we can get it from others. When we ask for what we want we are telling ourselves that we believe we are worthy of having our needs met and this is the place from which to ask (our intent – to honour ourselves). Even though we obviously want our needs to be met, the result from asking is not as important as us choosing to always ask. As we build our sense of self and honour our own needs this way, others will start to do the same. If there is no one, at the moment, who could give to you, how can you give to yourself? How can you make giving to yourself a must?
2. How you ask? What is the feeling and intent behind asking?
Most of our communication is non-verbal. The feeling we are feeling when we speak is usually the message others get. What we believe we will get is often what we get. Becoming aware of how we are feeling and what we believe we deserve can make a big difference to our result. Do you believe you deserve to be treated this Mother’s Day? Does that feeling come from entitlement or honouring? Asking for what we want in an honouring way can feel vulnerable, it is easier to ask in a demanding, frustrated, hurt or entitled way (that sometimes appears “stronger” and safer) but unfortunately it doesn’t get the satisfying results we want. Asking from the “I” It would be really nice for me if I could have….. could you give that to me? And then, leave it up to them as to whether they give or not. When others are free to choose, they give from their hearts and not obligation and this is when it feels satisfying. This is the hard part. If they choose not to give, how can you give to you anyway so that you still maintain and build your sense of deserving?
3. What lesson does teaching your children to give to you, teach them?
Teaching our children to give to us even at a young age is so important. It shows them that we are a person too and not just “their mom”. This is the foundation for them learning to respect us. For them to respect us they need to “see” us and they do so by seeing our needs. So often we are so busy doing what we need to for them, that we forget about ourselves. If we don’t see ourselves they won’t learn to see us either. When we allow them to give to us it gives them the opportunity to feel that good feeling we get when we give to them.
Even at a young age, what small thing can they do for you?
4. Is giving and love finite?
Do we believe it is our role is to give to our moms on Mother’s Day? Does that mean we can’t have our needs met? How could you organise things that you both get what you want? How can you find a way?
Taking time for ourselves and honouring our needs is so worth the effort, that is what creates our happiness, that is what enables us to be the best moms we want to be.
How can you honour yourself this Mother’s Day, even if it feels a little uncomfortable? Maybe, give some thought of what you would really like? What would be truly satisfying? Sometimes because of our situation we could have already assumed we can’t have what we want? What could you have? How could you ask for what you want, taking into account the situation you are in?
I would love to hear your feedback of what you are all going to ask for, drop me an email [email protected]