How hard are you on yourself?

Does this ever feel true for you?

I should be more patient…

It feels like I shout too much…

I should……..

So often as parents our self-judge can really give us a hard time. It impacts our happiness but it doesn’t have to be that way!

Here are 3 ways to quiet your self-judge


  1. Acknowledge the feeling 

Our self-judge usually comes out when we feel a certain way. For example, when we feel guilty, when we are frustrated because we reacted etc. The first step is to acknowledge the feeling. It’s okay to feel this way. My feeling is here to show me something. Our feelings are there to tell us that there is something we need to change. Listening to them and finding a solution will settle the feeling down. Once we take action toward what we want the feeling has done its job. If we dismiss the feeling and just expect it to go away, it will get louder and more frequent. The next step is to assess the situation


  1. Assess the situation

When our self-judge appears it is an indicator for us to assess the situation. Often, we focus our attention on ourselves rather than the situation (I am bad, I shouldn’t have… etc) Just shifting your attention from making yourself wrong to the situation can bring some relief. What happened? What made you react that way? What were you needing? What else could YOU do going forward? When we assess we need to find a way to meet our need. The action step has to be something WE can do differently going forward. It cannot be dependent on the situation or our children changing their behaviour. Take the action step and assess again. Practice trial and error until that feeling is satisfied


  1. Shift Your Focus

How often do you focus on what you are doing wrong compared to what you are doing well? Start to notice all the good you do. Make a list each day of all that you do do. All that you give and acknowledge yourself for that. When we don’t draw our attention to what we do well, we forget and then when we do something we don’t like it feels like “we are always messing up”. If we have a strong frame of reference of what we do well, that eases the situations when we do react. Practice this every day until it becomes a habit


In closing

Use these tips and others I provide in my blogs.  I am here to support you through your entire parent journey 

What You Should Do Next:

  1. Follow me on Instagram where I share loads of quick tips and ideas to implement with your children AND YOURSELF 
  2. If you have enjoyed this blog please share with a friend who you think would benefit from these tips 
  3. Look out for my series of new FREE Webinars starting end of March 2022 and an online course giving strategies for yourself as a parent. Handling your own feelings – guilt, worry, the need to protect, frustration…and more


About the Author

Gail is a Family Relationship Coach specialising in Parent-Child Relationships. She is passionate about empowering and inspiring parents to develop children’s self-awareness. She believes that this can be achieved by balancing parent’s needs with children’s development and happiness. Understanding how to synchronise our thoughts and emotions and what drives them ensures our happiness, and our children reaching their full potential. Gail is a Qualified NLP Practitioner, NLP Life Coach and Emotional Freedom Techniques Practitioner with over 10 years’ experience and success at applying these techniques to children’s learning and behaviour. Her success with her own son is proof of the possibility of true potential

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