I grew up with a perception that love is when everyone is happy the whole time. Isn’t that what we all want? It is that tingling feeling when you think of your loved one. The irony is that when we strive for that picture, we cause our own unhappiness because what happens when we or our loved ones don’t feel happy or have that tingling feeling?
I now believe love is about presence, being with someone and loving them when they are happy or sad, being with ourselves and loving ourselves when we are happy or sad. In other words, allowing ourselves to feel what we feel and take responsibility for our own emotions without judging ourselves or others. The way others feel, is not our responsibility. As soon as we are not happy with how someone else feels, it is an indication that we have given our power away and not taken responsibility for our own feelings. i.e. we need them to be a certain way in order for us to be happy. It is our expression of our own love, towards ourselves and others that fulfills us, not how they treat or feel about us.
And it is the same for our children. Do we want or expect them to be happy the whole time? Do we teach them that they are responsible for our happiness? Mom or dad will be upset if you do that! Do we teach them that love is about feeling happy the whole time?
Tips to teach your children true love
- Listen and be there for them without judgement or solution when they are talking about their friendships
- Teach them to listen and not judge their friends
- Teach them to listen to themselves and make choices that they feel are right for them even if others don’t like it
- Teach them to talk about the uncomfortable rather than choosing peace or happy in the moment
- Allow them to be happy, sad, angry, frustrated and acknowledge their feelings
- Teach them to express love because it feels good, not to get a response they want from another person
- Encourage them to be brave and express how they feel. Teach them that they can keep their hearts safe because they choose whether they allow others to hurt them or not.
Do you have love just the way you want it in your family? If you would like to know more or how you can apply these strategies in your situation, book a session with me.
Empowering ourselves is the biggest gift we can give our children…and ourselves!